I just wanted to write a quick blog update. I’ve been too busy to compose a carefully crafted, substantive entry, which is good news…
Two big things have been going on. First of all, I beat away the demons of procrastination, joined a gym, and have actually been enjoying working out. I remember lately (the past few years) finding the gym tedious, and it’s always been hard to get to that “endorphin addiction” point. Well, I got a free one-week trial membership to a gym that’s about a 1-minute walk from my place and went almost every day.
I’ve got to say, I’m really feeling great. And oddly, I find myself really looking forward to going every day. I’m guessing a good part of this has to do with the fact that, once I moved back to New York City my love life (read: sex life) has really picked up, so I’m already feeling much better about myself physically. I think it’s got sort of a “positive feedback loop” going on. Life is radically different from what it was six months ago!
The other piece of news is I’m working again. No, I haven’t landed that nice full-time permanent job. But I was helping a friend “on spec” (read: for free, hoping for income) over the last month on a project that just got pitched earlier this week. It looks like I’ll get compensated for my spec work and I’ll have some work over the next month or two. That really takes the financial pressure off and makes it easier to stick to my guns hunting for “that full-time permanent” position in the meantime.
But more important than that (the financial relief) is how much better I felt simply working for the last several weeks. It’s profound how much unemployment saps my strength and my self-confidence. I was beginning to really feel the blues last month, and I think I was beginning to lose my nerve. But once I got coding again it was like “Wow, hey, I really can do some pretty amazing stuff still!”
Both of these things (the gym and work) have helped in an even bigger aspect: I’ve beaten the February Blues.
You see, for the last five years or so I’ve always gotten depressed—and I mean almost crippling depression—every February. It was like clockwork, and whether it was due to “post Christmas letdown” or my least favorite holiday (Valentine’s) or some Seasonal middle-of-winter depression, it has always been devastating, to the point that I would become a hermit for the following 2-3 months.
I would not discount the possibility of some psychosomatic effect also, some self-fulfilling prophesy. I mean, I’ve grown to be terrified of the month of February! To the point of feeling sick to my stomach on the evening of January 31st.
Well, there’s still a week left in this particular February, but I’m not feeling bad at all. No worries. I mean, life still has its stresses—I’m really anxious to get a nice permanent job sometime soon, but I think I’ve broken the curse. I’m still going to be careful next year—I think I’m going to try and plan some nice vacation like a cruise next February—but at least I wont have the nagging worry in my mind that it’s some unavoidable demon.
Enough writing. I’ve got to do some work and then pop off the the gym!